Any mother that you talk to has been there. . .
There the 2 year old stands, pointing her finger at their stuffed animal in the corner saying in a stern voice, “You need to sit in time out. That wasn’t a good choice so you will stay here until I come and get you.”
You cringe upon hearing this. “Where did she get that from?” you ask yourself, surprised that toddler, who was once of pure innocence nursing from you, could sound so angry, it sent chills down your spine. Then it hits you like a ton of bricks. . .
“Is that how I sound?” you think to yourself, embarrassed.
You try to give yourself a break. “No, it couldn’t be. . .she must have heard that at the playground.” But then a thought creeps into your head that you wish would creep right back out. “Wow, how many times have I really said that exact thing to her?”
It’s happened. Shocked, you realize that you have become one of those mothers. The kind you would meet before you had children and then would say to yourself, “That will never be me.”
I heard a story one time from a mother who told me that one day when they were traveling in the car, her toddler was talking on a pretend cell phone. This mother was thoroughly entertained and laughed, thinking it was so cute how the inflection in her daughter’s voice mirrored that of her own voice. All of a sudden, she was in disbelief at what she heard the daughter say. . .
“Oh sh--, hold on, that’s the other line.”
Our words are powerful. What we give away to our children will always come back to us.
Here’s the good news about this overwhelming thought. . .it can work the opposite way too. Recently, a miracle happened in my house.
When my son turned 3, my daughter was about 6 months old. Not only was it a challenge to be going through the toddler years with him while having an infant , but we had also moved across the country to the New York Metropolitan area from the Midwest just two months before. You can imagine the stress our family was under, especially for me as a stay at home mother who had to say goodbye to my strong support system of wonderful friends and family in Ohio.
Needless to say, it was a tough transition for my son as well. He and I went through many difficult days of bickering and temper tantrums (he and I both). I am the first one to admit that my mothering skills during this time were certainly less than desirable. Often times my “techniques” would consist of yelling, crying fits of my own, angry words, or just sheer misery. However, one thing I always did, after my son and I had gotten past whatever difficult moment we were in, I would always hug him and tell him how much I loved him. Then I would say, “Even when we are mad at each other, I still love you. That will never change.”
Three years later, I have happily transitioned into my new life in New York. I have a support system of amazing friends, great family members, and I enjoy pursuing other interests, like writing, in addition to my role as a stay at home mom. My son is in kindergarten in a wonderful school which is a beautiful representation of our values as a family. As a woman, a wife, and a mom, I feel stronger than I have ever felt. All of these things, in addition to learning more effective and inspiring parenting techniques along the way, have helped me to create a very calm, peaceful, and safe environment for my children. Although they happen from time to time, I feel blessed that the “out of control” moments with my children are few and far between.
The other day, when we were getting ready to read books at bedtime, my son had tried to crawl on the other side of me which almost landed him on top of my daughter. I reacted quickly, saying very sternly to him, coupled with a not-so-nice look, “What are you doing? You could have really hurt her!” When I saw his face drop, I realized I had misunderstood.
“Oh”, I said, having figured it out. “You usually lay on the other side of me, right?” suddenly remembering that he was a creature of habit, and would always assume his side of the bed during books would stay the same night after night.
He nodded shyly. I said, “You were just trying to get to your normal spot. I see. I apologize; I didn’t realize what you were doing. I’m sorry I spoke to you that way.”
He looked at me, his eyes bright. He said in the sweetest voice, “That’s okay, Mommy. Even when we are mad at each other, I always love you.”
Tears spilled down my face. I was elated at the idea that he hadn’t forgotten those words and that he had shown me that he would carry them through to future life lessons.
Our words are powerful.
Choose them wisely.
- Amy
"We are in the Mind Inexhaustible. The Infinite never rests on Its laurels. It never stops creating for a moment. It expects us to do the same. It expects us to be fully alive, using our curiosity to feed new ideas into our consciousness. God never made a dull person. It never created an average person. It never created a satisfied person. We are a becoming people. We are a growth people. We are expanding people. We are made in the image and likeness of an Infinite Thinker forever thinking the new in an atmosphere of love or givingness. This Thinker never retreats within Itself, never ceases to be Itself. Always, Its action in us is constant, seeking expression by means of us. Knowing ourselves aright, we fulfill ourselves by being ourselves at the highest level of progressive expansion possible. Right ideas are seeds that produce a thousand-fold from within themselves in our consciousness, and the resulting multiplications in turn produce the more to be accepted, assimilated, circulated and expressed. This is the heaven process of mind, always available, always waiting for our realization of it."
