"Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment? Listening to the night rain on my roof, I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out."

Ry-kan

My Life In Bright Lights

A few weeks ago, I was driving with my daughter down to midtown Manhattan.  Although I absolutely love spending time in the city, I am much more comfortable with my husband driving. He could probably navigate around blindfolded, and still find the most efficient way to get from point A to point B.  However, lately I have had a strong desire to get comfortable driving around NYC, so I headed down on my own.

Not too long after I began driving down, Brian called and asked when I would approach the 78^th street exit.  He proceeded to tell me that there is a camera at this exit, and if you go to some website, you can access the view.  Being an engineer who loves technology, he was very excited about watching our SUV pass by this camera while zooming down the FDR drive.  “Here you come,” he had said, the anticipation building in his voice as I explained to him we were passing the 77^th street exit.  “Oh my gosh, look there you go!  I saw you!  How cool was that?”  Of course, I had to take a few moments to poke fun at his perspective of entertainment, telling him jokingly that he really needed to get a life.

I actually agreed that it was quite cool, however a little disconcerting at the same time.  “A little too Big Brotherish”, I thought to myself.  Then, as I thought further, I wondered what life would be like if, at the end of every day, we could sit down in front of our TV, and instead of tuning into a fiction-based, unrealistic, over exaggerated reality show, we could see a daily movie of our own lives; to answer the questions that lie in us deep down. . .

How did I live today? 

How did I interact with my friends, my family, my children, my colleagues? 

What kind of energy did I bring to every activity I was involved with?    

Did I live true to myself? 

Did I live honestly, with integrity, and do what I said I would do?

Did I live as if my past was in front of me, trapping me, or did I step into the future I wanted to live into?

Did I inspire others or bring others down?

Did I take responsibility if I wasn’t living my best life. . .and then let it go and move on?

Did I forgive?

Was I able to breakthrough unexpected challenges that came up. . .how did I react when things didn’t go my way?

How did I manage my life?  Did I manage myself to be someone big or someone small?

Did I live my dream?

Did I love?

These are certainly not the easiest questions to ask ourselves, of course, but nevertheless important.  I suppose this is why the “Big Brother” concept is so scary.  It’s an interesting thought though, as to if and how life would be different if you were able to watch and reflect everyday on who you were being in your life.  I realize that we don’t all have the movies of our lives to actually watch.  However, it is possible to reflect each day. Try it tonight, in your mind.  And tomorrow, try living a little closer to the authentic you. 

And then maybe someday, Big Brother won’t be so scary.

-Amy 

For Eileen

Spirit in me
shines brightly.

A Spark
burst forth
at the dawn of All,
with a call to action.

A Spark,

quick to ignite
this fiery Light--
white hot and full of Life.

This soul

that is
Spirit
in me,
shines brightly.

I dance upon shimmering stars
nightly--
Far out in the vastness of the
Whole.

I’m there,
while here.

In this form,
safe and sound,
surrounded completely,
Shrouded in the

glowing
radiant knowing

of the Truth of Creation. 

To be there,

while here, still,

is to know…

No thing apart.
Just the One,
through which, possibility knows no bounds...                                                              no bounds.

Only the Truth

that is All
That All Is.

There,

in the All,

of the All,
the Miraculous.

SPIRIT in Me
Shines Brightly . 

-Jayme

 We do not live in the world. 

The world lives in us.

She

She listens with non-judgmental ears. . .

She encourages me to be the best woman that I know how to be. . .

She loves with all of her heart. . .

She says the things that many won’t say because she knows it will make a difference. . .

She prays for herself and for those around her. . .

She empathizes authentically and organically. . .

She inspires others by who she manages herself to be day after day. . .

She creates the world around her. . .

She is purposeful in her living. . .

She laughs and makes light of the world around her . . .

She creates with her words and her integrity. . .

She carries light around her wherever she goes. . .

Happy Birthday to my wonderful friend Jayme!  I am grateful every day that our paths have crossed. . .thank you for your support, love and light! 

Much love,  

Amy

Innately, we know from the start...
It's all about balance. 

Give and Take

We go searching for diamonds on the water.

Captured light.

Eyes, wide at the sight.

Lowered hands,
keen to grasp just a few,
show nothing but
the lacquer finish
of moving water.

Diamonds to feel,
not touch.

Diamonds on the water,
glisten when
kissed
by wind.

There to be
taken in.

Transient.

Gone with the day.

-Jayme

 "Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it."

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

Amy and I have sons in the same kindergarten class at a Waldorf school. When it's time to say good-bye at the end of the day, they stand in a circle, holding hands and sing a song. I've had the good fortune of being present to witness this a few times. It is so beautiful to see a group of little children, peaceful and happy--parting with love and gratitude. The version they sing is slightly abbreviated, but the following is the song in its entirety...

I have a golden band,
it goes from hand to hand.
It goes to heaven high above
where God dots all the stars with love.

At evening when I go to bed,
I see the stars shine overhead.
They are the little daisies, white,
that dot the meadow of the night.

And often when I'm dreaming so,
across the sky, the moon will go.
It is a lady, sweet and fair,
who comes to gather daisies there.

For, when at morning, I arise,
there's not a star left in the skies.
She's picked them all and dropped them down,
into the meadows of the town.

Good-bye, Good-bye,
loving thanks to You.
Worlds so high
and friends so true.

The middle three verses are from a poem entitled Daisies, by Frank Dempster Sherman.

Allowances

Allow yourself to heal--

steal back that small part 
of you
that once
was big.

That part
thrown into 
waiting wind
while holding sins as though they were true.

There's no truth
but You--
the all of the All.
There's never been,

Illusory is the smallness.

Know your grace.
Hold it close.
Release the rest.
Let go.

The gifts this life reveals
surpass the grandest vision
one can hold.

Put out your hands.
Allow yourself to heal.

-Jayme

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

Invitation

Find a path
and run.

Limbs shifting,
swiftly kicked back
mud,
thrust to past--
the last of it to be seen.
 
At last,
breathe,
be free.

Run like the mighty wind,
with a vigor
as yet, unknown.

That path
laid out
smooth to the touch,
and clean,
need not be seen
to be.

When the urge comes...
Run.


-Jayme

"We are in the Mind Inexhaustible. The Infinite never rests on Its laurels. It never stops creating for a moment. It expects us to do the same. It expects us to be fully alive, using our curiosity to feed new ideas into our consciousness. God never made a dull person. It never created an average person. It never created a satisfied person. We are a becoming people. We are a growth people. We are expanding people. We are made in the image and likeness of an Infinite Thinker forever thinking the new in an atmosphere of love or givingness. This Thinker never retreats within Itself, never ceases to be Itself. Always, Its action in us is constant, seeking expression by means of us. Knowing ourselves aright, we fulfill ourselves by being ourselves at the highest level of progressive expansion possible. Right ideas are seeds that produce a thousand-fold from within themselves in our consciousness, and the resulting multiplications in turn produce the more to be accepted, assimilated, circulated and expressed. This is the heaven process of mind, always available, always waiting for our realization of it."

~Raymond Charles Barker

New Life

Spring has arrived.  There is so much physical beauty to observe during this time.  Blossoming cherry trees (a personal favorite), flowers opening and bursting with color, insects emerging from the depths of the recent cold, hard ground, and plants poking through the dirt, anticipating their rebirth in the natural world.

This beauty is inspiring to see every day, as we walk through spaces that amazingly looked so barren only a few short months ago.    What a miracle, and such a gift.  Transformation is   occurring.

The miracle is that not only is this transformation present in the natural world, but almost every person that you talk to during this time is undergoing their own transformation in some way. 

Many people take on spring cleaning during this time.   I can relate to and appreciate the literal role that spring cleaning has in our lives.  Clearing clutter away, dusting corners and crevices, washing windows, sweeping out garages.  This provides such pleasure; however, what is really happening during spring cleaning?

It provides organization.

It provides calm energy.

It provides peace.

It provides relaxation.

It provides space.

Space to create new thoughts, new inspiration, new possibilities. 

When gardening, you create a plan in choosing the annual flowers that you put in your flowerbeds.  Merely moving the petunias to the left side of the bed instead of the right and changing the location of the geraniums will transform the way it looks.  The area will be experienced completely differently this year.

This is the time to create a new plan for you.  Something that could only happen here. . . something that could only happen now, in this perfect time.

How will you fill the new space?  What inspires you?  What new possibilities will you create in your spirituality, your creativity, your career, your health, your relationships?  How will you experience life differently this year?

How will YOU transform?

Granted

Place all trust in sunrise.

Eyes have seen,

countless times,

a pitch black sky

fill with light.

Each time,

taken for granted

not the light,

but trust.

For, nothing says sun’s light returns

again and again

for sure.

The future holds no proof…

only the truth of Perfection,

the Law in which

All is grounded.

A wish is granted,

to Be.

The only way to see

for sure

is sunlight.

-Jayme

Saving's Grace

A picket fence

Open to a green pasture.

We run—

chins raised to the sun,

arms wide and back.

Then, fall to our knees and breathe.

The day is rose-petal soft

and blurred.

You look to me to say a few careful words.

As I roll, skin tickled arm to arm by whisps of grass, nearly dry,

the very back of my head holds still,

nestled in a slight dip in the earth.

I look up at your silhouette, overtaken by the avalanche of light

tumbling from above.

I hear. I know. 

Then close my eyes and drift away.

Rainy days are saved for careful words.

Silence is perfection.

-Jayme

Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.

                                                         -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Have Faith

Thoughts are things.

Woven and bound on looms,
their structure moves from straw to gold
with a shift--
a switch so quick
         a lightning flash
                   inches past.

All it takes
for the ground below to tremble
         and shake one's foundation...

Faith.

-Jayme

Wise Words

Any mother that you talk to has been there. . .

There the 2 year old stands, pointing her finger at their stuffed animal in the corner saying in a stern voice, “You need to sit in time out.  That wasn’t a good choice so you will stay here until I come and get you.”

You cringe upon hearing this.  “Where did she get that from?” you ask yourself, surprised that toddler, who was once of pure innocence nursing from you, could sound so angry, it sent chills down your spine.  Then it hits you like a ton of bricks. . .

“Is that how I sound?”  you think to yourself, embarrassed.

You try to give yourself a break.  “No, it couldn’t be. . .she must have heard that at the playground.”  But then a thought creeps into your head that you wish would creep right back out.  “Wow, how many times have I really said that exact thing to her?” 

It’s happened.  Shocked, you realize that you have become one of those mothers.  The kind you would meet before you had children and then would say to yourself, “That will never be me.”

I heard a story one time from a mother who told me that one day when they were traveling in the car, her toddler was talking on a pretend cell phone.  This mother was thoroughly entertained and laughed, thinking it was so cute how the inflection in her daughter’s voice mirrored that of her own voice.  All of a sudden, she was in disbelief at what she heard the daughter say. . .

“Oh sh--, hold on, that’s the other line.”

Our words are powerful.  What we give away to our children will always come back to us.

Here’s the good news about this overwhelming thought. . .it can work the opposite way too.  Recently, a miracle happened in my house. 

When my son turned 3, my daughter was about 6 months old.  Not only was it a challenge to be going through the toddler years with him while having an infant , but we had also moved across the country to the New York Metropolitan area from the Midwest just two months before.  You can imagine the stress our family was under, especially for me as a stay at home mother who had to say goodbye to my strong support system of wonderful friends and family in Ohio. 

Needless to say, it was a tough transition for my son as well.  He and I went through many difficult days of bickering and temper tantrums (he and I both).  I am the first one to admit that my mothering skills during this time were certainly less than desirable.  Often times my “techniques” would consist of yelling, crying fits of my own, angry words, or just sheer misery.  However, one thing I always did, after my son and I had gotten past whatever difficult moment we were in, I would always hug him and tell him how much I loved him.  Then I would say, “Even when we are mad at each other, I still love you.  That will never change.”

Three years later, I have happily transitioned into my new life in New York.  I have a support system of amazing friends, great family members, and I enjoy pursuing other interests, like writing, in addition to my role as a stay at home mom.  My son is in kindergarten in a wonderful school which is a beautiful representation of our values as a family.  As a woman, a wife, and a mom, I feel stronger than I have ever felt.  All of these things, in addition to learning more effective and inspiring parenting techniques along the way, have helped me to create a very calm, peaceful, and safe environment for my children.  Although they happen from time to time, I feel blessed that the “out of control” moments with my children are few and far between.

The other day, when we were getting ready to read books at bedtime, my son had tried to crawl on the other side of me which almost landed him on top of my daughter.  I reacted quickly, saying very sternly to him, coupled with a not-so-nice look, “What are you doing?  You could have really hurt her!”  When I saw his face drop, I realized I had misunderstood. 

“Oh”, I said, having figured it out.  “You usually lay on the other side of me, right?” suddenly remembering that he was a creature of habit, and would always assume his side of the bed during books would stay the same night after night.

He nodded shyly.  I said, “You were just trying to get to your normal spot.  I see.  I apologize; I didn’t realize what you were doing.  I’m sorry I spoke to you that way.”

He looked at me, his eyes bright.  He said in the sweetest voice, “That’s okay, Mommy.  Even when we are mad at each other, I always love you.”

Tears spilled down my face.  I was elated at the idea that he hadn’t forgotten those words and that he had shown me that he would carry them through to future life lessons.

Our words are powerful.

Choose them wisely.

- Amy