"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."

-Pema Chodron

Gifted River

There's the way the river bends and twists at its ends.

It slows to suit the shore,

scattered rocks,

gypsy driftwood.

Soft at its edge,

the river lends itself to guests--

depends upon the life within, finding sustenance,

to itself, be sustained.

Like the wayward traveler,

standing still,

basking in the muffled warmth of a cloud-covered sun,

gifted the river by Mother Nature

to sustain his spirit.

The gift of the river,

for the gifted

and the giver.

-Jayme

Reconditioning

To grin

and bear the burden of perception's making,

is to put our lives at stake.

It's not the "virtuous" gesture of braving pain

for life's sake

that makes sense of any breakdown

or loss of faith.

It's the power, in which, we choose to stand.

It's the choice we make in the quiet of morning

when all is still--

potential.

The choice is to be 
what we've only dared to see ourselves as,

in spite of past conditioning.

Fight or flight--

no such thing.

Self-preservation,

a contradiction in terms.

The Self need not be preserved.

The choice is to be It--

or not.

-Jayme

Light of Truth

Stark truth when set against a still night sky.

Luminous specks of truth.

Opposite ends of earth.

Here, rooftops tickled by the light of a distant moon,

reflecting sunlight.

There, flickering ripples huddled all together in still water.

Identical reflections.

To unearth truth,

sun's light falls down upon all.

None, more than the other.

Love's light falls upon all.

Stark discovery in the pitch black of night...

Infinite Light.

-Jayme

Patience is faith.


Time's too wild a beast to tame.
Given names and shoved into spaces,
aware of none.
Wide open as the sky,
inviting us to be the same.


Days turn over, one by one.
The sun, in it's stillness, waits,
the earth, in it's time obliges.


Breathe in.
Be present.
Wait.


Patience is faith.


-Jayme

I'm taking a class called Emerson's Essays. We recently read Compensation and had to write about how we've seen compensation (cause and effect) play out in our own lives. While writing, I had an epiphany...

 

When I got pregnant with my son, it happened fairly quickly, and I couldn't believe it. I had a hard time accepting that I could be so blessed. This disbelief lingered throughout my pregnancy. I was terrified. At the time, I didn't question my fear. I embraced it. 30 weeks into my pregnancy, I was put on bed rest for preterm labor. Although I showed no signs of progression, I had regular contractions day and night. And, as that was confirmed, my fears were, too. I had proof. 

Six weeks later, I was taken off bed rest, and six weeks after that, at 42 weeks, my son was born, perfectly healthy and strong.

Once he was in front of me, I didn't worry about him at all. I didn't worry about anything related to him. At the time, I didn't give the disappearance of my fear any thought.

A year and a half later, we started trying to get pregnant again. Little by little, those old fears crept back in. Only this time it was more intense. How could I be doubly blessed? New proof that I couldn't showed itself. Month after month, I had chemical pregnancies. I would have a positive pregnancy test and then lose the pregnancy a few days later. Every month, I held more tightly to that fear. Every month, I fed into my disbelief. 

Seven months later, I was in fact blessed with a referral for a very talented acupuncturist who specializes in infertility--and a healthy pregnancy. But, for the first six weeks of my pregnancy, I was again, petrified. I still wouldn't let go. Dr. Lee worked with me, though, and I was finally about to release my fear, among other things. 

Letting go was the greatest relief I had ever experienced in my life. I was finally free. And, that pregnancy with my daughter changed me forever. Calm and peaceful like her, that pregnancy brought me back to my faith. 

Looking back, I can see so clearly how I was compensated again and again for choosing fear and doubt.  And, with a shift in consciousness, I was compensated for faith and trust. 

My epiphany came when I realized that I wasn't only being compensated for my choices. My mother had a very hard time getting pregnant, and when all of the paperwork was completed to adopt twin boys, she got pregnant with my twin sister and I. Her early pregnancy was difficult. She had a lot of issues with bleeding and was on bed rest for six months only to give birth to perfectly healthy and strong twin girls. I knew her struggle and carried it with me into my own experience with fertility and pregnancy. I was, in a way, compensated for beliefs about pregnancy I never really knew I had. 

 

What we believe, both consciously and subconsciously, shows up as our life experience. Take a moment and identify one area in your life, one recurring experience that doesn't serve you. It could be a pattern in relationships, addiction of any form, financial challenges, parenting struggles...anything. Connect with the the way you feel when you think of that thing. Then, identify the belief you have around it. A few examples:

Difficult Relationships: Those closest to me don't value what I have to say.

Addiction: I, as I am, am not enough. 

Financial Challenges: I'm not treated fairly.

Parenting struggles: I can't trust my own instincts.

 

The next step sounds so simple, but I promise it's true. Acknowledge the belief, and then consciously release it. Let it go. And, anytime evidence of that belief shows up in your life experience, consciously release it and acknowledge a new belief (Example: I release the belief that I am not enough, and in its place, I wholeheartedly declare that I am more than enough exactly as I am). 

 

Deciding to shift a false belief is powerful. Be powerful.

-Jayme

"A little consideration of what takes place around us every day would show us that a higher law than that of our will regulates events; that our painful labors are very unnecessary and altogether fruitless; that only in our easy, simple, spontaneous action are we strong, and by contenting ourselves with obedience we become divine. Belief and love,--a believing we love will relieve us of a vast load of care. O my brothers, God exists. There is a soul at the center of nature and over the will of every man, so that none of us can wrong the universe. It has so infused its strong enchantment into nature that we prosper when we accept its advice, and when we struggle to wound its creatures our hands are glued to our sides, or they beat our own breasts. The whole course of things goes to teach us faith. We need only obey. There is a guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word...Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into you as life, place yourself into the full center of that flood, then you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect contentment."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Spiritual Laws" (1841)

Notion

Whether by chance or fate,

the waiting wind grasps a notion--

passes it on. 

Barely recognized amongst the hustle

and bustle of the day,

often, the one to whom its bequeathed sees

merely a disposable whim.

Don't be mistaken.

A gentle spark,

though easily extinguished,

houses within

the light of the sun.

Take not for granted, the notion.

Rather, grant it the time it so deserves.

Allow it to catch--

become a smouldering fire,

to capture each and every gaze.

Let it find its rightful place...

Manifest. Mesmerizing. Praised.

That simple notion's

the seed of change.

-Jayme

"Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment? Listening to the night rain on my roof, I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out."

Ry-kan

My Life In Bright Lights

A few weeks ago, I was driving with my daughter down to midtown Manhattan.  Although I absolutely love spending time in the city, I am much more comfortable with my husband driving. He could probably navigate around blindfolded, and still find the most efficient way to get from point A to point B.  However, lately I have had a strong desire to get comfortable driving around NYC, so I headed down on my own.

Not too long after I began driving down, Brian called and asked when I would approach the 78^th street exit.  He proceeded to tell me that there is a camera at this exit, and if you go to some website, you can access the view.  Being an engineer who loves technology, he was very excited about watching our SUV pass by this camera while zooming down the FDR drive.  “Here you come,” he had said, the anticipation building in his voice as I explained to him we were passing the 77^th street exit.  “Oh my gosh, look there you go!  I saw you!  How cool was that?”  Of course, I had to take a few moments to poke fun at his perspective of entertainment, telling him jokingly that he really needed to get a life.

I actually agreed that it was quite cool, however a little disconcerting at the same time.  “A little too Big Brotherish”, I thought to myself.  Then, as I thought further, I wondered what life would be like if, at the end of every day, we could sit down in front of our TV, and instead of tuning into a fiction-based, unrealistic, over exaggerated reality show, we could see a daily movie of our own lives; to answer the questions that lie in us deep down. . .

How did I live today? 

How did I interact with my friends, my family, my children, my colleagues? 

What kind of energy did I bring to every activity I was involved with?    

Did I live true to myself? 

Did I live honestly, with integrity, and do what I said I would do?

Did I live as if my past was in front of me, trapping me, or did I step into the future I wanted to live into?

Did I inspire others or bring others down?

Did I take responsibility if I wasn’t living my best life. . .and then let it go and move on?

Did I forgive?

Was I able to breakthrough unexpected challenges that came up. . .how did I react when things didn’t go my way?

How did I manage my life?  Did I manage myself to be someone big or someone small?

Did I live my dream?

Did I love?

These are certainly not the easiest questions to ask ourselves, of course, but nevertheless important.  I suppose this is why the “Big Brother” concept is so scary.  It’s an interesting thought though, as to if and how life would be different if you were able to watch and reflect everyday on who you were being in your life.  I realize that we don’t all have the movies of our lives to actually watch.  However, it is possible to reflect each day. Try it tonight, in your mind.  And tomorrow, try living a little closer to the authentic you. 

And then maybe someday, Big Brother won’t be so scary.

-Amy 

For Eileen

Spirit in me
shines brightly.

A Spark
burst forth
at the dawn of All,
with a call to action.

A Spark,

quick to ignite
this fiery Light--
white hot and full of Life.

This soul

that is
Spirit
in me,
shines brightly.

I dance upon shimmering stars
nightly--
Far out in the vastness of the
Whole.

I’m there,
while here.

In this form,
safe and sound,
surrounded completely,
Shrouded in the

glowing
radiant knowing

of the Truth of Creation. 

To be there,

while here, still,

is to know…

No thing apart.
Just the One,
through which, possibility knows no bounds...                                                              no bounds.

Only the Truth

that is All
That All Is.

There,

in the All,

of the All,
the Miraculous.

SPIRIT in Me
Shines Brightly . 

-Jayme

 We do not live in the world. 

The world lives in us.

She

She listens with non-judgmental ears. . .

She encourages me to be the best woman that I know how to be. . .

She loves with all of her heart. . .

She says the things that many won’t say because she knows it will make a difference. . .

She prays for herself and for those around her. . .

She empathizes authentically and organically. . .

She inspires others by who she manages herself to be day after day. . .

She creates the world around her. . .

She is purposeful in her living. . .

She laughs and makes light of the world around her . . .

She creates with her words and her integrity. . .

She carries light around her wherever she goes. . .

Happy Birthday to my wonderful friend Jayme!  I am grateful every day that our paths have crossed. . .thank you for your support, love and light! 

Much love,  

Amy

Innately, we know from the start...
It's all about balance. 

Give and Take

We go searching for diamonds on the water.

Captured light.

Eyes, wide at the sight.

Lowered hands,
keen to grasp just a few,
show nothing but
the lacquer finish
of moving water.

Diamonds to feel,
not touch.

Diamonds on the water,
glisten when
kissed
by wind.

There to be
taken in.

Transient.

Gone with the day.

-Jayme

 "Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it."

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

Amy and I have sons in the same kindergarten class at a Waldorf school. When it's time to say good-bye at the end of the day, they stand in a circle, holding hands and sing a song. I've had the good fortune of being present to witness this a few times. It is so beautiful to see a group of little children, peaceful and happy--parting with love and gratitude. The version they sing is slightly abbreviated, but the following is the song in its entirety...

I have a golden band,
it goes from hand to hand.
It goes to heaven high above
where God dots all the stars with love.

At evening when I go to bed,
I see the stars shine overhead.
They are the little daisies, white,
that dot the meadow of the night.

And often when I'm dreaming so,
across the sky, the moon will go.
It is a lady, sweet and fair,
who comes to gather daisies there.

For, when at morning, I arise,
there's not a star left in the skies.
She's picked them all and dropped them down,
into the meadows of the town.

Good-bye, Good-bye,
loving thanks to You.
Worlds so high
and friends so true.

The middle three verses are from a poem entitled Daisies, by Frank Dempster Sherman.

Allowances

Allow yourself to heal--

steal back that small part 
of you
that once
was big.

That part
thrown into 
waiting wind
while holding sins as though they were true.

There's no truth
but You--
the all of the All.
There's never been,

Illusory is the smallness.

Know your grace.
Hold it close.
Release the rest.
Let go.

The gifts this life reveals
surpass the grandest vision
one can hold.

Put out your hands.
Allow yourself to heal.

-Jayme

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

Invitation

Find a path
and run.

Limbs shifting,
swiftly kicked back
mud,
thrust to past--
the last of it to be seen.
 
At last,
breathe,
be free.

Run like the mighty wind,
with a vigor
as yet, unknown.

That path
laid out
smooth to the touch,
and clean,
need not be seen
to be.

When the urge comes...
Run.


-Jayme