I'm taking a class called Emerson's Essays. We recently read Compensation and had to write about how we've seen compensation (cause and effect) play out in our own lives. While writing, I had an epiphany...

 

When I got pregnant with my son, it happened fairly quickly, and I couldn't believe it. I had a hard time accepting that I could be so blessed. This disbelief lingered throughout my pregnancy. I was terrified. At the time, I didn't question my fear. I embraced it. 30 weeks into my pregnancy, I was put on bed rest for preterm labor. Although I showed no signs of progression, I had regular contractions day and night. And, as that was confirmed, my fears were, too. I had proof. 

Six weeks later, I was taken off bed rest, and six weeks after that, at 42 weeks, my son was born, perfectly healthy and strong.

Once he was in front of me, I didn't worry about him at all. I didn't worry about anything related to him. At the time, I didn't give the disappearance of my fear any thought.

A year and a half later, we started trying to get pregnant again. Little by little, those old fears crept back in. Only this time it was more intense. How could I be doubly blessed? New proof that I couldn't showed itself. Month after month, I had chemical pregnancies. I would have a positive pregnancy test and then lose the pregnancy a few days later. Every month, I held more tightly to that fear. Every month, I fed into my disbelief. 

Seven months later, I was in fact blessed with a referral for a very talented acupuncturist who specializes in infertility--and a healthy pregnancy. But, for the first six weeks of my pregnancy, I was again, petrified. I still wouldn't let go. Dr. Lee worked with me, though, and I was finally about to release my fear, among other things. 

Letting go was the greatest relief I had ever experienced in my life. I was finally free. And, that pregnancy with my daughter changed me forever. Calm and peaceful like her, that pregnancy brought me back to my faith. 

Looking back, I can see so clearly how I was compensated again and again for choosing fear and doubt.  And, with a shift in consciousness, I was compensated for faith and trust. 

My epiphany came when I realized that I wasn't only being compensated for my choices. My mother had a very hard time getting pregnant, and when all of the paperwork was completed to adopt twin boys, she got pregnant with my twin sister and I. Her early pregnancy was difficult. She had a lot of issues with bleeding and was on bed rest for six months only to give birth to perfectly healthy and strong twin girls. I knew her struggle and carried it with me into my own experience with fertility and pregnancy. I was, in a way, compensated for beliefs about pregnancy I never really knew I had. 

 

What we believe, both consciously and subconsciously, shows up as our life experience. Take a moment and identify one area in your life, one recurring experience that doesn't serve you. It could be a pattern in relationships, addiction of any form, financial challenges, parenting struggles...anything. Connect with the the way you feel when you think of that thing. Then, identify the belief you have around it. A few examples:

Difficult Relationships: Those closest to me don't value what I have to say.

Addiction: I, as I am, am not enough. 

Financial Challenges: I'm not treated fairly.

Parenting struggles: I can't trust my own instincts.

 

The next step sounds so simple, but I promise it's true. Acknowledge the belief, and then consciously release it. Let it go. And, anytime evidence of that belief shows up in your life experience, consciously release it and acknowledge a new belief (Example: I release the belief that I am not enough, and in its place, I wholeheartedly declare that I am more than enough exactly as I am). 

 

Deciding to shift a false belief is powerful. Be powerful.

-Jayme