Weaning my Last

This aspect of youth I can’t bear to abandon…

Never one for sentimentality,

exploring this unchartered territory’s plaguing me--

creaking beneath my feet with each step,

gripping my throat with every breath.

I think it’s forever.

What is forever?

A question I’ve never neared,

at least not more than in theory—

let alone held it to my chest,

fingers tickled,

painfully soft.

Not that I remember,

this dull ache of forever.

To be a mother in this way—

my very body nourishing you.

Me too, I guess..

left to dust.

Am I ready for forever?

Through all these years,

a treasure chest wide open,

free to bask in the golden glow of a bounty too vast to quantify.

Youthful then,

never a thought.

Thought it would be forever.

Now, I feel it

inching shut

this gut-wrenching crush.

So real,

this forever.

Cradle to grave—

it seems.

A brilliant light snuffed out.

Smoke, a snake slithering up.

This youth, surrendered.

Never again to know such closeness.

Small body curled up,

pressed against me.

Still.

Heavenly.

Transitory euphoria.

My body rendered sterile.

Never again?

-Jayme