Monday, March 31, 2014

Weaning my Last



This aspect of youth I can’t bear to abandon…

Never one for sentimentality,
exploring this unchartered territory’s plaguing me--

creaking beneath my feet with each step,
gripping my throat with every breath.

I think it’s forever.

What is forever?

A question I’ve never neared,
at least not more than in theory—
let alone held it to my chest,
fingers tickled,
painfully soft.

Not that I remember,
this dull ache of forever.

To be a mother in this way—
my very body nourishing you.
Me too, I guess..
left to dust.

Am I ready for forever?

Through all these years,
a treasure chest wide open,
free to bask in the golden glow of a bounty too vast to quantify.

Youthful then,
never a thought.
Thought it would be forever.

Now, I feel it
inching shut
this gut-wrenching crush.

So real,
this forever.

Cradle to grave—
it seems.
A brilliant light snuffed out.
Smoke, a snake slithering up.
This youth, surrendered.

Never again to know such closeness.
Small body curled up,
pressed against me.
Still.
Heavenly.
Transitory euphoria.

My body rendered sterile.

Never again?

-Jayme