Fine Tuned



You say you can't recall
which of my poems you like best.

First impulse--cower in the corner and cry.

Just like that
my skin seizes up
tightens to the bone
life force seeps out
creeps down
and down
through roadside gutters
over broken sticks
slick brown leaves
cracked glass and stone.
Escapes me.

This place, I know...
where I implode
give up.
Growth stunted
it hurts too much.

Blocks stacked
effort and hope
the tower I've inched up
down with one blow.
You don't even know it.
You don't.

Or, that this time it's different.

That empty shell I'd live inside
space between shadows on the wall
I'd claim as mine
desperate to hide behind...
this time
I unzip it.

Burst out like a ray of blazing light.
Stake a new claim
high up
on a mountainside.

Life has shown me
that's not how it has to be.

Feedback loop--
us the refrain
same old pain
as the record skips...

this time, I lift the needle
play a different tune
dance with risk...

See with clearer eyes,
I don't die each time an old wound is opened up--
skin soaked with blood and tears.

I get to know how it feels
stand grateful for the years
that brought me here
to this place of knowing.

These side-tracked moments
so often seeds of regret
have nourished me with choice.

All I have.
All I need.

Blood and tears have watered me.

Once a seed
to one day stand as I do now...
a deeply rooted tree.

-Jayme